Samira

Because human lives are composed in precisely such a fashion….They are composed like music. Guided by his sense of beauty, an individual transforms fortuitous occurrence into a motif, which then assumes a permanent place in the composition of the individual’s life.

The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful…. Metaphors are dangerous. Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a [someone] enters [their] first word into our poetic memory.

–Kundera, Unbearable Lightness of Being

received a time-capsule in the mail today: a vault of memories in the form of a notebook, collaborative musings of Brandin, Skylar & myself.

(history relies upon dissonance, upon discontinued familiarity, a fading into metaphors: the substitution of book for body; the colors that remind of her & the sounds that have become him.)

thank you, BB.
thank you for safekeeping this over all these years.
i can’t even begin to describe all that i am feeling right now.
i love you.

Skylar, rest in peace, friend.

Beyond the concept of time. Beyond awake lie a plethora of dreams. Streams of tomorrow’s memories. Songs of amnesia. Faceless friends and visible strangers. Beyond the language of our cursed minds lies a wilderness. A seed of darkness. Patient in the face of measurements and time. Because it is infinite. Beyond the limits of the word lie tiny gaps. Timeless vacuums. Tiny timeless gaps. These are the cracks in the timely measured concrete. Hairline cracks in gray cement. Timeless. Infinite. Untimed and unmeasured. Space. Gardens of violets. Oceans. Streams of freshly squeezed lemon. Sounds above a newly tuned grand piano. Songs and colors and scents. Infinitely sweet and full and hydrated. Mythical pockets. Smaller than the mind’s concept. So large. Beyond the narrow measures of time and distance exist small cracks. Voluptuous and small. pungent and narrow. Warm. Warmth. Wordless warmth. Eternal womb. Where there ticks no time. When everything is luster. And warm. Warmth. Not just some things. Sometimes. Luster is everything. Everything is luster. No ticking in the water’s warmth. The womb’s warm water.

And all that remains to be seen. In all its color. In all its melodious hum. In all its elusiveness. All the memories it instilled. Or dreams captured. That which has no audience still performs itself. Still performs. All which remains to be seen is not non-existent.

(history relies upon dissonance, upon discontinued familiarity, a fading into metaphors: the substitution of book for body; the colors that remind of her & the sounds that have become him.)

when The Muse strikes, you may find that she’ll rapidly corner a good portion of your world. should you find yourself so lucky, know this: she runs a tight ship. The Muse mediates her world through work and play, discipline and fun, boisterous humility and active listening. The Muse will be your enabler, your partner in crime, and she will kick your sorry ass out of bed the next day. and you’ll like it. after she drinks you under the table again, listen to her. you may learn something. The Muse is logic tempered with heart, and heart tempered with logic: she will call bullshit and love you all the same. perhaps even The Muse does not know that it is this, more than even her other gifts–that cracks the core of me, that make me grateful to call her my friend.

Carnen teaches and nurtures through gentle persistence:

it is how she mends my body;
it is how she builds my trust;
it is how she calms my heart.

thank you for your patient ways, your generous ear,
and your steadfast presence.

in the story of my life, time and time again,
you are the trope for healing:

and i am so grateful for our journey together.

Please support my fundraising efforts for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

Kelly lost her father to pancreatic cancer 2 weeks ago. He had been diagnosed only 4 months ago. Think about that for a moment: 4 months. 4 months is a flash. Many of us have been unemployed for longer periods than that, have traveled for longer periods than that. Think about a semester in college. We’re talking a very short period of time.

I can’t even imagine what Kelly, Brad and Emily have gone through these past months, having to say goodbye to their dad in such a short amount of time. I’ll be joining Kelly on her birthday for a fundraiser walk, in memory of her father: Mike Blanchard.
Please stop by my fundraiser page & join us if you want to, donate if you can.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Much love

sam

Lucho left me this message at 8am in the morning:

Ta-ta-da-da-ta-daaa!
Sam:
Come on Sam!
Do the raver dance!

Enjoy: Listen

In reflecting on my nice weekend i just had,
i am grateful for:

* getting silly with everyone after pearl’s alley on friday.
* todd and lucho, for taking me to see the monarchs, even though they had already departed.
* a drive home without traffic (small pleasures, i know)
* seeing Luscious and Weazie perform their final “Wait Until Dark” at the Altarena on saturday.
* margaritas with Luscious and crew after the play.
* todd & mateo picking me up for a day of frolicking on the beach.
* spending some sam-time on the beach.
* collecting a few beautiful rocks.
* sharing my fried chicken sandwich with everyone (i am grateful for bakesale betty)
* seeing lucho, jeffrey and shama (<3), hunny and joe
* seeing luscious and dave (so happy to see them!)
* spending time with tracy and frank
* spending time with todd this weekend & feeling really thankful for where we are right now
* having a tear-inducing, stomach-wrenching giggle-fit for at least 3 miles on highway 9
* tracy’s incredibly touching email last night
* movies & kittens & snuggles with todd yesterday
* having a good talk with my boss today, after leaving work feeling unsupported on friday.

a lot to be grateful for & that feels nice.

Dragi–

i know you’re dying to read this.

your pursuit outlasted my running;
your persistence outlasted my stubbornness:
you took me down kicking and screaming, and i’m glad you did.

i have learned that first impressions can be wrong
and can, instead, deliver themselves in the form of a friendship
filled with silly adventures and memorable laughter,
hours of story-telling and attentive listening,
epic outdoor music and personal beats,
a metric ton worth of all things pink and beer.

you are loyal to the core. you are driven, generous, and fun.
i also know that i can depend on you no matter what.

when i think about you in my life, Dragi,
i think about camaraderie.

you make my world a better place, because i know i can find you:
you are solid as a fucking rock.
a pink one of course.

your embodiment of dichotemies compells me:

extroverted yet introverted, because you know your limits.
young yet wise, because you are perceptive.
vulnerable yet strong, because you acknowledge your fears.
clumsy yet graceful, because you’re not afraid to fall.

there is something ancient and magical about your total embrace of the journey:
you make me smile for the legacy you are leaving behind.

wow, girl. i mean: wow.
i think of you in my life & i feel proud.

you have taught me so much about communication and,
more importantly, about my own communication.
we are two such different people, yet you have consistently met me half-way.
through you, i have been able to discover some of my own fundamental stumbling blocks.

i am inspired by your dedication to reaching your goals.
i love the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about helping children in hospitals.

i am amazed by your photography. through some of your photos
i’ve come to see new aspects of people and moments in time.

when i think of you in my world, i am most grateful for your commitment to balance.

you are so dear to me. i’ve felt a kinship with you from the moment i met you.
i love how expressive you are both in joy and sadness.
your gestures and words are testament to the wisdom you carry.

i so much respect and understand your need for solitude,
and your ability to ask for time alone.

if i could only pick one word to express what you bring to my world,
it would be compassion.