Samira

Reporting from Santa Cruz today: Luis tore his entire left rotator cuff: it’s floating around in his shoulder area right now. A very unfortunate thing to happen, especially because he is left-handed. It’s been torn since September and has been in lots of pain for the past 4 months. Hopefully they’ll be able to fix him up & he’ll be back to his buffed self in no time ;-) I took the day off from work today & dropped him off at Sutter hospital in Santa Cruz at 8AM this morning. Sutter is a very friendly place, with genuinely nice staff, rooms outfitted with pictures of tropical beaches & heating blankets with teddy bears printed on them. After the nurse put his wrist-band on, we both had a WMC flashback: if only they had some bass at the hospital ;-) I stayed with Luis as the nurses, the anesthesiologist, and the surgeon talked to him, doped him up & brought him to “hi-oh-hi-how’s-it-going” land. Needless to say, he was pretty smilie when i left the hospital. At one point during his drifting off, we had a simultaneous giddy moment: what if he snores during his surgery? it was funny. I wonder if they’ll write that on his patient chart today. Lucho will be under general anesthesia for this 2 hour surgery. The chances of full recovery are pretty darn good: 70%. As long as he sticks with his physical therapy, which shouldn’t be a problem. I will be picking him up around 1PM today. He’ll most likely be pretty out of it. He has grand delusions of returning to work on Monday, but gathering from the bottle of morphine on the kitchen table, which they had already prescribed him, I doubt that he’ll even understand what the word “Monday” means by then. His arm will be out of commission for a good 2 weeks. So no driving, or carrying record boxes… Those of you who live on this side of the mountain: If you have time to help out during the next 2 weeks, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. He’d never ask for help himself, but I know he will need it. Here’s to a speedy recovery, Lucho. i love you, my friend. sam

friendship, lucho, luis

2 friends. each lost a parent yesterday. unbelievably shocking. life is so very short. in the end, we’ll all be riding the same bicycle i suppose. i just emailed Lucho to tell him how much i love him. i also just thought of how i would go through periods when i was afraid of dying, and how you would hold me & comfort me & tell me that you hoped that when the day would come, that i would die before you, so you could be by my side & i would not have to feel afraid or alone. 2 nights ago, i found my headphone box that is filled with 5 years worth of your notes & letters. i read them and almost smiled & almost cried. i almost wanted to throw them away. life is short, indeed. and, right now, i just want to say, if i were in those last moments, i’m certain you’d be one of the final flashes i’d take with me before the lights turned from dim to black.

death, loss, love, paul

ik ben heel blij voor je dat je voor jezelf hebt gekozen. het leven gaat snel genoeg en soms moet je beslissingen maken die veel pijn en verdriet doen, maar toch het beste voor jezelf zijn. de afgelopen 6 jaar ben ik er ook achtergekomen, dat ik vrede moet maken met mijn verleden. mijn gebit is het laatste opstakel wat mij nog aan die nare tijd herinnnert. ik heb de afgelopen jaren heel wat blokkades verwerkt, vandaar dat ik ook zo vaak ziek ben geweest met ook die bijna dood ervaring in 2002 toen ik in shock was. het is een les geweest en ik heb er veel van geleerd. soms ga je door heel veel pijn en verdriet om in te zien dat jij alleen degene bent die er verandering in kan aanbrengen. ik heb er vrede mee en zie jouw vader als een boek die ik heb uitgelezen. ik zou jou nooit gekend hebben als ik hem niet had ontmoet. je hebt veel liefde en kleur in mijn leven gebracht en dat heeft veel goed gemaakt in die relatie met louis. ik zal blij zijn je weer te zien. het maakt mij erg gelukkig te horen dat het goed gaat met jou en je hebt het verdient! laat niemand je dat afnemen samira! ik ben erg trots op je dat je het toch allemaal doet, zover van je familie. je weet dat je altijd naar huis kunt komen, de deur staat voor je open! liefs, mama Dearest Samira, I am so happy that you have chosen for you. Life goes by so fast and, at times, you are forced to make decisions that cause a lot of pain and sadness, but which are ultimately best for you. Over the past 6 years I have come to realize that I have to make peace with my past. My teeth were the final obstacle that still reminded me of my ugly past. I had to work through quite a number of blockages over the past few years, which is the reason why I was sick so often and why I had that near-death experience in 2002 from being in shock. It was a lesson and I have learned from it. Sometimes you must experience an incredible amount of pain and anguish, in order to see that only you can bring about the necessary changes. I have come to peace with my past and see your father as a book that I have now finished reading. I would have never known you, if I hadn’t encountered him. You have brought much love and color into my life which is much good that has come out of that relationship with Louis. I will be happy to see you again. It makes me very happy to hear that you are doing well again, and you deserve it! Don’t ever let anybody take that away from you, Samira! I am so proud of you for all that you accomplish, especially for being so far away from your family. You know that you can always come home; the door is open! Love, Mama

happiness, love, mom

Because human lives are composed in precisely such a fashion….They are composed like music. Guided by his sense of beauty, an individual transforms fortuitous occurrence into a motif, which then assumes a permanent place in the composition of the individual’s life. Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

love, todd