Samira

here you are, on the last day of august, completely calm and content:
in front lies the imminent reminder of how small you are. yet there you are:
in full embrace of this never-ending expanse of cloud in the sky.

out there in front of us, as Nature, we perceive such awe-inspiring vastness
as a kind of testament to life.

inside of us, as Human Nature, we receive that same vastness
with panic and discontent. it is easy to allow it to consume us, paralyze us.
and a kind of entropy occurs.

it’s funny how we feel so desperately alone when we are afraid,
yet we are so universally bound by this emotion.

there is so much more i want to say to you, Todd,
but i figured i’d start with this picture, and with the reminder
that our experience of this vastness can be so quickly transformed
(not always, but we can try regardless)
with just a bit of sunshine, some cheddar cheese, a few beers,
and in the company of a friend. add a dash of music,
and a few stray cows, and voila…

i love you, sweetheart.

samira

fear, love, todd

From Mateo’s album:

I wonder what the sorry was behind this… it was in a plastic bag I removed. Dropped or thrown on the street? Was it dramatic?…was it forgetful? Perhaps it was ordinary…or not so ordinary….A brief moment captured on the street scape.

this picture speaks to me on so many levels.

but for me, its most important message is the fact that you posted it.
that you captured it in the midst of yet another 80+ work week.

i’ve been watching you burn the candle at both ends for months now:
even living with you, all i mostly see is that you leave for work & you go to sleep.

this snapshot signifies your perseverance and strength: even at the height of this crazy rat-race, sacrificing yet another saturday to the firm, you saw a thing of intrigue. you stopped. you captured it. you shared it.

i’m impressed. and i’m smiling.

love you

friendship, life, mateo

thank you todd.
thank you kelly.
thank you lucho.
thank you carnen.
thank you andrea.
thank you ember.
thank you mateo.
thank you frank.
thank you tracy.
thank you shama.
thank you jeffrey.
thank you lisa.
also, thank you holly.

and most of all: thank you, paul.

thank you to everyone who has been present for me this past year,
which has been such a difficult, but necessary journey.

to each of you i haven’t connected with in a while: i hope we do soon.

i have learned so much about myself this past year.
i have felt more emotions than i knew i was capable of feeling.
there was a lot of fear, a lot of anger, a lot of sorrow.
there was much self-doubt & there were many lackluster days.

there has also been a lot of re-discovery & a renewed sense of joy.

i look back at some of those months & i wonder how i made it through.
how Paul made it through. how you made it through. we had a rough year, didn’t we?

but, on that faithful sunday of Kelly’s birthday weekend,
after Paul and Todd and Andrea and i stood embraced
after all the talking and all the crying and all the healing took place,
it all started to make sense again.

remembering why we all ended up amongst this group in the first place.
it gave me a sense of hope, a tremendous amount of relief, and i felt a little less jaded.

i miss Paul and our relationship more than i can approximate here with these word-things,
but i also know we had to find ourselves on our own. we both did the right thing.

i feel calmer these days. i feel more peaceful.
i am incredibly grateful for the honesty and grace you’ve all shown me.

should you ever need somebody by your side,
you know where to find me.

samira

friendship

you classy punk, you.
i love you, sweetheart.

thank you for making my world a better place.

birthday, friendship, happiness, kelly